Why Some Families in Busia Are Struggling to Stay Together

By Philip Barasa, DevReporter, Busia County

 Highlights

• Financial pressure, conflict and other social pressures can strain family relationships in Busia.
• National KNBS data show significant changes in marriage and separation patterns in Kenya.
• Children can be affected by prolonged conflict and family separation.
• Early counselling, economic support and community intervention can help families facing difficulties.
• For families experiencing violence, support must prioritize safety and dignity.

In Bunyala, Mary Khaemba remembers the day she walked away from her marriage with her two children. What began, as a young relationship had become a source of financial strain and violence.

Mary married at 19. As money grew tighter, so did the tension between her and her husband.

“We did not understand each other. When financial problems came, the violence started. I had to leave to protect my children,” she says.

Today, she supports her children through casual work and help from relatives. Her story offers a glimpse into the challenges some families in Busia face as they navigate financial pressure, conflict and changing family relationships.

A National Picture That Is Shifting

Marriage patterns in Kenya have changed over time. According to the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics’ Kenya Vital Statistics Report 2024, the proportion of Kenyan women aged 15 to 49 who were married fell from 63.1 per cent in 1989 to 48.1 per cent in 2022.

Over the same period, the proportion of those who were divorced or separated rose from 4.6 per cent to 9.3 per cent. Still, national figures do not prove that marriage breakdown has increased in Busia. The interviews conducted for this story point instead, to several pressures weighing on families in the county.

When Money Troubles Follow You Home

James Oundo, a boda boda rider in Nambale, says that financial difficulties can spill into family relationships.

“When business is slow, stress follows you home. Small issues become big fights. Some men walk away because they feel as if they have failed,” he says.

Residents interviewed also identified alcohol abuse, infidelity, changing gender expectations and the demands of cross-border trade as factors that can contribute to conflict in some households.

Marriage counsellor, Sharon Nyangueso, says that some couples only seek help after communication has significantly deteriorated.

“People come for counselling late, when communication has already broken down. Early dialogue could prevent many separations,” she says.

The Toll on Children

The effects of family conflict can also extend to children. At Busende Primary School, teacher Jane Okiri says that teachers sometimes encounter learners who appear emotionally affected by difficulties at home.

“There is anger, resentment, and pain. In that situation, parents sometimes forget that children are also going through the separation,” she says.

These observations should not be interpreted as evidence of a countywide trend among children. However, they highlight the importance of considering children’s wellbeing when families experience prolonged conflict or separation.

Rights, Responsibility and the Role of the Community

Family disputes can also raise questions of parental responsibility and children’s rights. A legal expert interviewed for this story explains that financial responsibility for children is not automatically placed entirely on one parent after separation. The responsibility is shared, with decisions expected to focus on the best interests of the child.

This means that separation does not end a parent’s responsibility towards their children. Instead, parents may need to establish appropriate arrangements for meeting children’s needs through the available legal processes. Government officers and other community actors also have a role to play in supporting families experiencing conflict and separation. The response requires not only awareness of family rights and responsibilities, but also access to appropriate support.

Churches remain another important source of guidance for many families in Busia. Pastor Edwin Muruka of Nangina, says that religious leaders also need to consider the example they set within their communities.

“When leaders fail in their marriages, it can influence the congregation. People begin to normalize separation,” he says.

He believes that stronger family teaching and honest counselling are needed to help couples address problems before they become difficult to resolve.

More Than Telling Couples to Stay Together

The experiences gathered for this story suggest that responding to family breakdown requires more than telling couples to stay together. Couples experiencing persistent conflict need access to early, affordable counselling, before problems become crises, while economic support can help reduce the financial pressures that strain relationships.

Churches, schools, local leaders and community organisations can also help families identify problems early and seek appropriate support. At the same time, greater attention is needed for children affected by prolonged conflict or separation, with schools and families providing appropriate emotional and social support.

For families experiencing violence, however, support must also prioritize safety and dignity. Leaving an abusive relationship should not be presented as a failure to preserve a marriage. For Busia, the development challenge is therefore not simply to ask why some marriages end. It is also to ask whether families experiencing conflict can access timely, affordable and safe support, and whether those affected by separation can rebuild their lives and protect the well-being of their children.